PMR Result.....

I cant sleep at all last night....Went to school around 9.50am.....Wait until 11 something only get result....OMG! So nervous! The more I wait, the more nervous I am... And I get straight A's!!! So happy!!!

Went to Times Square with cousins....OMG! So many ppl....go walk walk.....then bought tickets to watch AVATAR!!!! The movie...erm.....how to say? Okok la.....Not what I expect it to be.....Bought one shorts for RM 30!! O.O But nice.....^_^

Tomorroe is the day....The day we will know the result of the thing we are fighting for...Yes! Tomorrow is the day all PMR condidates of 2009 know their result!!! I'm nervous...Everyone say I sure can...But I'm not sure myself....Hope so la....



GOOD LUCK TO ALL PMR CANDIDATES OF 2009!!

Back from Malacca

Wow! It had been years since I wrote something here. Went to Malacca for four days. Its an annual family gathering. Well, I this year i felt different compared to the previous years. I'm not sure why. I think its because I spent more time with my cousins this year. I don't stay in the room with my mom. First time felt so fun to be with them. We spent most of the mornings and afternoons at the condominium. We played PS2, poker cards, mahjong and shared some songs. At night after dinner, we went to Jonker Street which is very crowded. OMG! Not the Jonker Street I have in my memory. But still I had fun. On the last night, we went out to the *I don't know the name* to see the lights. However, its not fully lighted up. So, not as nice as the last time went to see it. Besides, we went to the Nyonya Street *don't know whether its the right name* *don't care* for shopping. But I didn't buy anything also. Cause nothing interest me T.T Last day, went to eat curry laksa. Its a bit different from the ones at KL. Quite nice.

First time see my newborn baby niece. OMG! I'm so old already T.T Not sure should call her newborn cause she already 10 months old. She's so cute. And she let everyone to carry her and she don't cry. I mean those crying that hurts your ears. She only makes the want to cry face but not the ears-ache sounds. ^_^ And she bites my finger. Wow! That hurts. Her teeth sure are razor sharp. *hehe* About the photos. I think I'll upload them later...

对不起

我不是想这样对你。我不懂我说了，你会怎样。我真的很怕。我不懂要怎样面对你。我是一个不敢面对事情的人。对不起。请你原谅我。请你原谅我这个那么自私的人。我只会为自己想，不会为其他人想。所以，我是该被人打，被人骂。

Add Maths!

Actually, there's tuition for physics today, but since the teacher is busy, NO TUITION! Yay! ^_^ After attending a few lessons for form 4 subjects, I feel quite ok except for add maths. OMG! I'm dizzy when answering the question for the first chapter! Not used to the concepts. *sigh* Takes time. I wish I can stay at year 2009 forever but I can't.*sigh* Time passes so fast! Many things undone.*sobs*

哭包。。

我是一个很容易哭的人。 虽然一些小小的事情，但是我会哭。如果我是受伤的话，我不会哭。但是，如果我的心受伤的话，不管是那个事情小也好，大也好，我也会哭。如果那个事情，对我很重要的话，我会伤心。我会哭到跟严重。最经，我都有哭。有时因为压力，有时因为对我很重要的事情。有可能我是个哭包吧。一直这样哭下去。但是，我很难控制我自己。

Tuition

Tuition starts 2 days ago. Time pass really quick. Its December and sooner January comes. Somehow, I don't want the holiday to end. Somehow, I don't want to face PMR results. I'm scare I cannot accept the result on that day. I don't want to see it. Tuesday was English and Biology. Most of the question will be in sucjective and there are many essays. OMG. o.O Wednesday was Chemistry. Well, all three is subject is quite easy to understnad to me. For now. I'm not sure how I feel about them later. Today will be maths. Actually I'm more concern about Add Maths. Can time don't pass so fast? Thats an impossible request cause time never go faster or slower. Its us that feel time passing quick or slow.

So Sweet

I'm 220, you're 284. What does this means?

This is a very nice way to tell how you feel about someone. I found it in a newspaper.

The factors of 220 are=1,2,3,4,5,10,11,20,22,44,55,110
The factors of 284 are=1,2,4,71,142

The sum of the factors of 220=284
The sum of factors of 284=220

So, this means my heart belong to you and your heart belong to mine. Its so sweet...

Time passes so quickly

First day of December. The day of PMR result is getting nearer. I'm very nervous.*sigh* Can't be helped. Time passes so quickly. I want time to slow down its pace. I want to live slowly. But time just went on its own pace. We may delay but time won't. Time just go on and on. Time won't wait for anyone. Everyone has 24 hours a day. No extra yet no less. However, we still waste our time. We don't make full use of it. That's why sometime we feel time passes quickly, sometime time passes slowly. Time doesn't change its pace at all. It's us which make us feel time change pace.

3 in the morning!

What time is it now? Its almost 3 in the morning and I'm still not asleep yet. *sigh*Am I having the insomnia again? I toss and turn but I still can't fall asleep. Can someone tell me a way that can make people sleep? I guess no one will answer since its so late already. *sigh* I'm thinking too much that I keep misunderstanding things. I think I should change that habit but its hard since I developed it for a long time.*sigh*Its holiday but sometime I don't feel happy about this. Maybe I'm too bored somtimes. I guess I have to find something to do. I don't really havr the mood to blog. I have many things to write but when I turn to this page, it seems that I can't type anything. Why?*sigh* Guess, I'll never know...

泡温泉。。。

今天，去泡温泉。。。第一次去泡，不是我想象中那样。。。所以有点吓倒。。。哥哥说，今天的水，一点都不热。。。我也是觉得不是那么热。。。。他说，有一次，真的很热。。皮肤可以熟。。听听下，有点恐怖。。。我泡温泉，泡到文凭的皮肤，变成粉红色。。。觉得很晕。。。回到家。。。又很累，奇怪的是，我睡不到。。。=.=真的是啊。。。但是也是一个很好的纪念的事情。。。

Done

Finally, I'm done with blog layout hunting and blog layout editing. This layout has hidden meaning to me. Something that I wish I owned but I couldn't cause it's not something essential. Even though I want it very much but I think I'll have it when I can afford to have it. Timing is not that right now I guess.

Renovating Blog

You might notice that there are some elements missing in my blog cause I'm finding a new blog layout.....

没用。。。没用。。。没用！！！

有时，我是不是说了一些会伤害别人的话？我觉得我常常都说错话。。但是，说出去的话不能收回。我真的很后悔，但是又不能做些什么。。。我是不是越来越没用？说话不会想好好来才说。。真是笨蛋。。。

我真是没用。。

有时候，我真的想太多。想到自己伤心，想到头痛，一直在误会。。。但是我不懂为什么我会想那么多。如果一些对我很重要的事情，我会想跟多。。。很多东西我都躲在心里。。不敢跟别人说。。。因为我怕别人会不开心。。。但是多在心里，我又觉得很辛苦。。唉~~怎样呢？又是当我一直想的时候，觉得自己很没用，很想帮他们但是又不懂怎样帮。。我真的是一个没用的人啊！什么都帮不了。。。只会让人家生气我。。对我反感。。

22/11/09

一直以来，我对自己没有信心，没有希望。其实，我没有想过未来要怎样，以前，什么决定都好，都是父母帮我决定好了。他们叫我走哪一条路，我就走哪条路。当我认识你的时候，你教了我，自己的路要自己决定。虽然父母是为你好，但是你也要想一想你要的是什么？你让我变了一个新的人。一个会作决定的人。不会做一些辉仍自己后悔的决定。不管那个决定是什么，你觉得是对的就跟着哪条路吧。你让我学会了怎样看这个世界。怎样好好的生活。你让我看到阳光。你让我觉得这个世界里不是那么没希望的。你让我学会怎样从一个好的方向看一个事情。

其实，我一直觉得，我的家人一点都不关心我。其实是我不会去想。他们其实对我很好。每个事情都是为了我。为了我的未来。不要我后悔。所以，虽然，到今天，有时候，他们做的决定我伸得很不喜欢，但是我知道那些都是为我好。我也会跟他们说我的意见，但是不会像以前那样，不会让我家人伤心。

Life

Life is short,
Life is unpredictable,
Life is precious,
Life is irreplaceable,

How your life goes is depends on what you decide, what you choose,
So, make the right decision, make the right choice, or else,
You will regret,
Live your life to the fullest so that,
You will not regret....

Last day of school

Yesterday was the last day of my form 3 freedom moments,

means,

last day of school for this year,

last day of my lower form life,

last day for some of form 3 students who planned to transfer next year,

I miss my friends,

Somehow, I miss school......

Memories will always be remembered....

All of us laugh so much yesterday....

Miss it so much....

Happt holidays to form 3s and good luck to form 5s

Academics,academics and academics!

All that you all say about is academics, academics and academics!!! Don't you all have other topics in your minds other than that? I know academics is important for my future and I know you all don't want me to follow my brother footsteps. But aren't you the one who told me that its ok if I did my best? Aren't you? Then why you brought up this topic again? Why? Why? If you are not fed up of it, I am! Just because you think its right for you then its right for me. Well, it might be but, can't you let me decide which path I want to go? Can't you let me think and don't decide everything for me? What is best in your mind might not be the best for others! Don't you realise that you are giving me stress even the exam is over? Don't you realise that I'm trying to avoid to have a long conversation with you? All you talk about is academics. You never ask me how I feel. All you want is me to follow what you think, what you want me to be. You never ask me whether I truly want it that way or not. I do have my opinion but you always cut me out when I want to tell you.

To You-Know-Who-You-Are

I'm sorry that I make you uncomfortable. Ya, I admit I have attention from my mom. Its not that I don't like it or what. Sometime I'm frustrated of something. You should talk to your parents about what you have in you mind. I know this sound idiotic to you but I don't know how to explain it to you. I know how you feel cause my parents is just the same in the past few years until I explain how I feel to them and how I wish they can treat me. I know its easier to say than done but I wish you will try.

p/s: You want to know why I like to follow you so much? Okay, I tell you. I just want to be friend with you and I'm sorry if I disturb you or make you uncomfortable.

Jejak Maklumat

Went for 'jejak maklumat' yesterday. There were 3 of us in a group. Its fun and tiring at the same time. I can't believe running around Taman Tasik Pemaisuri can be so tiring. Maybe because of we were running and thinking about what to do next. We had to work out physical and mental at the same time. After getting the clues and finish the 'essay', we found out that we missed one STATION!!! *sigh* Its to late for us to turn back when we realise about it. The essay part is very the 'za dao'. When I read question 7, its a MORAL QUESTION!!! OMG!!! I didn't study moral for don't know how many months!!!Having a hard time answering that question. I'm surprised that I still can remember how to answer it. Then went back to school.

Well,skipped school today. And surfing the net, take some quizzes at facebook etc...

Random...

Shawn: I don't really think you're super handsome but your look us ok but one thing i really hate about you is your attitude....I really don't like!!! Sorry if it does hurt you....

Skipped school today. Bored to be at home but still I think its better than being at school. Played games, surf the net, renovated my blog and so on....

October ends and November comes...Time flies. Time waits for no one. Its either you spend it wisely or just waste it...I'm not sure whether I'm spending my time wisely or not but at least I know that I don't laze around the whole day.

Kind of addicted to Joe Hisaishi songs..He is one of the composers that I admire... 

:(

mint: Do i know you? If this is another joke, please get away from my blog. Thanks

Today went to school and played the game again. Its so funny *inside joke*. Hahaha....(sorry Hyn-yi) Then, got poem competition which is quite interesting...And there are a few people who keep pointing at me when Pn. Wan Rosna ask who can sing well? And tomorrow is the audition! OMG! Can i skip it? I'm not good at this!!!!!!!!!!

Random

Little Guy: You don't really need to know who is that...

Today is the pelantikan. I don't know why, half way through the "ceremony", I cannot breathe. I struggle for air and I'm very dizzy. *sigh* very embarassing. Then went to hear the talk about mentality and JPA thing. Don't really pay attention and keep black out.

Played a board game that Sabrina which is fun. Hyn-Yi is very happy cause she is the winner for 2 rounds. Should i go to school tomorrow? Don't feel like going.

Hyn-Yi: FYI, its just something to compare...doesn't mean i want to make babies=.=and i know i'm older than you but just a few months earlier....

Today had the rehersal for tomorrow's "pelantikan".....and just as always, school is very bored...however, the debate workshop is kind of fun....

Meaningful

Fall in love or fall in hate
Get inspired or be depressed
Ace a test or flunk a class
Make babies or make art
Speak the truth or lie and cheat
Dance on tables or sit in the corner
Life is divine chaos, embrace it
Forgive yourself. Breathe
And enjoy the life....

Choral Speaking Workshop

Little Guy: =.= ok la.....
Hyn-Yi: But still, its better to talk about that privately...
Yun: I'm not taking the grade 8 exam next year...I take the year after that...

Today went for the choral speaking workshop which is quite fun...But since I took medicine before I went to school, I'm a bit dizzy and sleepy during the workshop...I think i have to work more on my self-confidence...I'm so nervous when they pass the microphone to me...OMG!!! I feel so embarassed...It's a good experience to attend this workshop...Learn a lot from it...

Bored...

Hyn-yi: Can you ask that question privately?
もり:Oh,ok...going to take a long time for that....

School is super duper boring today....worst than staying at home....i barely doing anything at school...just sit and doing NOTHING!!!! *sigh* i should brought something to entertain myself.... today is so boring that i don't know what to write for the things at school....

Got piano lesson later and it's raining so heavily now....OMG!!!

Stop monopolizing the laptop!!!

I feel its better i reply the cbox msg this way....


もり: Haha....i also dunno how to reply you....
Sabrina: I know you read my blog la...thanks ^_^
Keet Mann: Sorry la buddy....now i go add ok?


My brother totally monopolize the laptop....just because you are the elder one, you can monopolize it? Hey, i want to have my share of the laptop!!!*sigh*but he's going to use it again later :( Do i have to wake up early in the morning if i want to use the laptop?? thats so not fair....
but i cannot do anything about it....*sob*

i feel like rotting here...cause when i finish my chores...i will be sitting and think "Wat should i do next?" and end up nothing!!! *screams*

why i drink iced-water yesterday? how can i forgot that i can't drink cold drinks for now!!!OMG la!!!!make myself suffer......how can i be so forgetful!!!!*sigh*

PMR is over

PMR is over...feel much better....no more stress....overall, the papers are ok but Science paper 2 is kind of tough....but it passed so don't think about it....but i feel something missing....i mean there is some slot that i used to study but now empty....feel bored and don't know what to do....i think i have to plan wisely so that i don't waste the precious time i have...

went to Sushi King today with my brother....i just love sushi very much.....^_^so happy!!!!!

i feel weird....why i feel so tired and dizzy these days? aren't the exam stress is over or something is wrong with my body system? hope it will ease soon...cause i don't like this feeling... make me feel very disoriented....

went to christopher's blog to watch the agm slideshow....i really want to cry...i love PBSM so much....it sure brings back the memories.....why on the agm day i fell sick....i really want to go but i too sick that i can't leave the bed.... :(

很累。。

我的心情一天比一天不好。。我不懂为什么。。有可能是考试的压力吧。。我这几天都觉得很累。。每一天都睡很久。。根本不像我。。我平时没有睡那么多。。。有可能我太勉强我自己吧。。我的头很痛。。我是不够睡啊？还是我给我自己压力呢？此时我的心情，不是不好。自不过，那些压力吧我的心情往下跌。。我真的很累很累。。很想大大声的叫出来。。。但是，我又做不到。。咳。。我都不懂怎么办才好。。

Mixed feelings...

Its holidays but no holiday mood at all. Maybe because I've been busy studying for PMR. My mood changes all the time. Like the waves. Sometimes up sometimes down. I don't feel like myself since the holidays started. I feel very tired and uncomfortable the whole day for no reason. For the first time I've been sleeping for 12 hours.

Everything seems to be out of place. I tried to put things together but it seem to become worse. *sigh* Really don't know what to do. Everyone is giving me pressure. Giving me pressure doesn't make me better but make me worse. I'm someone who don't know how to handle with pressure. Too much pressure can make me insane.

random

Another jogging day.....kind of bored....i'm banned from the internet on weekdays....i hope i don't get banned even on weekends....i've been studying but my head like its gonna burst...

Today i lost the bear that i hung on my handphone... :(

是的。。我不是真正的快乐

人群中哭着 你只想变成透明的颜色
你再也不会梦或痛或心动了
你已经决定了 你已经决定了
你静静忍着 紧紧把昨天在拳心握着
回忆越是甜就是越伤人
越是在手心留下密密麻麻深深切切淡掉了

你不是真正的快乐 你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了 也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂挂在永远锁上的躯壳

这世界笑了 于是你合群的一起笑了
当生存是规则不是你的选择
于是你含着眼泪飘飘荡荡跌跌撞撞地走着

你不是真正的快乐 你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了 也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂挂在永远锁上的躯壳

你不是真正的快乐 你的伤从不肯完全的愈合
我站在你左侧 却像隔着银河
难道就真的抱着遗憾一直到老了 然后再后悔着

你不是真正的快乐 你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了 也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂挂在永远锁上的躯壳

你不是真正的快乐 你的伤从不肯完全的愈合
我站在你左侧 却像隔着银河
难道就真的抱着遗憾一直到老了

你知道真正的快乐 你应该脱下你穿的保护色
为什么失去了 还要被惩罚呢
能不能就让配角全部结束在此刻
重新开始活着

Jogging,jogging,jogging

Its a weekly routine but this week i feel bored and not my usual self so, i took some pictures...


Better without my clip...


I kind of regret doing this pose...



The brightest picture...




Taman Tasik Pemaisuri...


Don't know what i'm taking...


What a cute duck...too bad i can't take the video of it...


I like the trees...

4.9.09

friday for this meek is kind of nice for me...i don't know why everyone seem so hyper on friday... maybe cause its end of the weekdays and everyone can have a rest after the hectic intensive traning for PMR...most of my friends act very weird on friday...i myself is kind of hyper that day too...i don't act the way i do during the normal days...maybe all of us is too stress up...i don't know about my friends but i know that i'm stress up...time passes so quickly...its only one more month left for all the form 3s...i hate to remind myself about this but its the fact and i have to face it no matter what...there's no other choice...one and only choice is to study hard for this.... but what i'm doing now is blogging which is something i should not do now...but i don't really care about it...i need a place for me to forget about all the stress even for a few hours....or else, i'm going to b e crazy like the me when i'm going to face UPSR....

school reopens

tomorrow school reopens...i don't have the feel of going to school tomorrow...i want to have a few more days to relax my mind...many things happen during this week of second semester break... soon september arrives and i have around 36 days to PMR...something that i don't want to face yet i think...i wish i have more time to think. to decide what should i do. to make plans for the 36 days before this examination...maybe i'm afraid of this examination just like UPSR and my piano examinations...for piano examinations, i can take it again if i failed but for PMR, its only one shot... and if i failed that shot, i can't to redo that shot again...its like once in a lifetime...this is what i'm scare of...maybe its because the pressure from my mom...i know she always have high hopes on me...maybe that's the thing that make me so stress out...maybe that's the thing that i'm afraid of...i'm afraid of letting her down...

on the other hand of course, i wish time will go faster....so that i can go through the examination faster and release myself from this stressful atmosphere even for a while...so that i can do whatever i want (but there's limit of course)

讨厌！！！

我在不开心些什么？我在讨厌我自己什么？

我不明白。。。我怎么了？

为什么突然有这样的感觉？

我是不是一个很自私的人呢？

当我问我的朋友时候，他说，没有啊。。。

哪。。。为什么我有这样的感觉呢？

我很不明白。。。。很烦。。。。

我很讨厌我自己。。。。

Lonely

i felt so lonely out of the sudden...i don't know why...maybe because too bored because i have done with my holiday homework and i have nothing to do...i spend my time thinking of the melody for a song i'm composing but nothing came...my head hurts...

help me please

its almost 4 o'clock in the morning...and i'm still here...not sleeping...i should go to sleep long time ago...but i just can't...my mind is so full, but i don't what i'm thinking of...i really want to sleep but i just can't close my eyes...my mind won't want to rest...someone please help me...

Hectic Life

its already 3 o'clock in the morning....and i'm still awake......what happen to me? i have seminar at 10 o'clock which is 7 hours away.....but i can't sleep....i just don't know why......*sigh* the seminar is until 4.30 and i have tuition at 6.30......what a hectic life during the holiday......and i'm not finish with the homework given by my teachers......i only touch the pile of papers once in awhile.......i don't know why i don't want this holiday to end.....as if i can feel that when the school reopens, life will become even more hectic than it is now......i hope not.....i have enough of stress from my mom and my teachers......i know its all for my own good but sometimes too much pressure will give negative effects.....that happens to me often.....


i hope you'll be okay after this.....please forgive me.....

Sorry

did i just hurt someone? did i just said something that accidentally hurt someone? i'm scare.... please forgive me....i'm confused.......like someone lost in a jungle. eager to find my way back to where i belong......please tell me you are fine.....please don't say that you are guilty anymore..... please don't you take me for granted....you didn't....really.....please don't say you didn't appreciate me.....you did.....in many ways.....i feel appreciated from you and i'm very happy with that.....please....please...please........i'm sorry

......

felt a lump is building up in my throat....eager to burst out....but i don't have a place to hide myself, so, i swallow the lump down hardly....not long after that the lump is back again....i wonder how many times i swallow it down again and again.....

first seminar geography and bm

having seminar from 10 in the morning till 4.30 in the evening....omg! i'm so tired and later i have tuition at 8.30.......i wonder if i'll doze off during the class.....hope i don't.....

results of trial.........

this time most of my subjects improved except for my bm and maths....anyway, i still manage to get 6A's out of 7........kind of happy about it.....

but still got nag by mom cause my english is so close to A....one more percent......

last PBSM meeting for 2009....

wednesday was fun.....i so unlucky that i don't choice to choose the number and water come splashing down.....but i'm not as unlucky as Wei Hwei, she guess 3 times the numbers correctly and got splashed 3 times....poor Wei Hwei.....

*blank*

PBSM interview 17.08.09

i don't know why when i went into the interview room, i was so nervous and my head went blank.......the pc questions they ask, i read them, but somehow i can't remember them when they ask me.....why la!!!!*sigh*

and i don't know why i make that mistake again....i promise myself not to, yet i broke it..... maybe because i'm too nervous and i'm too easy to.......don't wanna mention it.....

i'm sorry to disappoint all of you that day...i'm sorry....

i'm lost

i'm lost and i can't find my way back to the path......someone please help me......i'm so lonely here.....i don't wanna be alone here. away from the path where everyone is.....someone....please pull me back to the path........

Meaningful words

lets start with the common one...

FAMILY means....

Father And Mother I Love You

Why guys must have a wife cause..... WIFE means????

Washing Ironing Food Entertainment

Why girls must have a husband??? cause HUSBAND.......

Housing Understanding Sharing Buying And Never Demanding

A simple greeting that means a lot..... HELLO????

How are you?
Everything all right?
Like to hear from you
Love to see you soon!!!
Obviously, I miss you.......

Trial is OVER!!!!

trial is finally over........i don't really wanna know the result but i have to cause, my history teacher said she'll give us our result tomorrow!!!!OMG la!!!!

monday is bm and history paper.....so hard.....T.T i don't know wat i write for my karangan........... *sigh* headache through out the exam.....

tuesday, bi papers only..........i don't know whether my essay is good enough or not.......and i feel i don't have enough points for my summary and literatue......

wednesday, science and kemahiran hidup.....science is fine for me.....BUT, kemahiran hidup? *sigh* another disaster.......i see so many stars when i answer the questions......*dizzy*

thursday, the last day of trial....YAY!!!! maths paper and geografi......why i keep doing stupid mistakes!!!!!!*sigh* maybe i'm to panic........

hurts

i don't know why my heart hurts so suddenly........i tried to blog it out but even i myself don't know what's wrong.......i was force to sleep cause i've frequent headache......i can't sleep............i just hug my pillow.......somehow, i don't know when and why, my tears keep flowing......i want to stop it but i can't.......

I miss you......

i remember the day we met........

i remember the day you left me.....

i remember the things we went through together.....

wish you were still here.....

i miss you so much.....

Whitney,

i will always remember you.....

trial

monday is trial.....and i'm still doing nothing.....no mood to study.....people keep reminding me how important this examination is.....this is not intervention or dianogstic.......telling me i have to take it seriously......*sigh*

9 papers.....don't know how to go through next week......anyway....

good luck in your trial for the form 3s and form 5s.......

time is getting short.......

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

EUNIS!!!

i wish that i can shout loudly and cry as much as i want. my heart hurts. very very hurt. 

你说你明白我。。但是，你跟我说什么？读书，读书，读书！！我知道！！但是，人生，除了读书，没有不别的东西吗？

stress

i'm so stress now. why do things have to be so complicated? why can't you let me do things my own way? i know that i have to study. i know that trial and PMR is coming. i know these exams is important. i know that all your hopes is on me. i know that you want me to success in the future. i know that you don't want me to follow my brother's or your footsteps. i know what i'm doing right now. sometime there are many things that i can't tell you. you won't understand. i know that because i told you once but you just don't get it. you say you know what i want but you don't seem to get it. you have repeated the same advice to me. i understand that. you told me that since i was standard 4. i'm not blaming you but it is time for me to do things me own way. really......i hope you understand...............i don't mean to hurt you.......

fantasy vs reality

excluding today, one more week to trials and i'm still blogging. i should be studying. but this is the only place i can actually write watever i want when i have no one to talk to. this year pass quickly for me. i don't know why. even when i'm having UPSR, time does not pass so quickly. maybe because i join many ativities and i can say that my schedule is kind of full. when i look at the calendar yesterday before i go for bed, i just realise that its august already. one more month to PMR. and what i've been doing for these past months? none. i can said that. NONE!!!

i found that no matter how hard i tried to forget it, that memory will still stick in my mind. i've thrown everything that reminds me of that memory but it still stick in my mind. maybe i just let time fade that memory away. i can't do anything about it anymore. i don't know what i should do about it either. i love the piece but in order to forget the memory i forced myself to throw it away. i don't know how to say how hurt my heart is at that moment. how i wish someone lend me a shoulder to cry on. my very first piece, composed by myself, destroyed by myself.......

many things are out of place these days. many things don't seem to go the way it should be. i think thats reality. nothing goes the way you want unless you sacrifice something. if you don't, you won't have it. i've always lost in my own fantasy but, somehow, things around me woke me up and tell me to face the reality and stop dreaming. sometimes, i'm afraid to face it. it frightens me. but if i want to move forward, i have to face it don't i?

T.T

很想哭，但是没有一个地方是没有人的。

我不想给我家人看到我哭。。。

我不想他们问我“为什么你哭？”

我跟他们说了，也没用。。。

他们一直问，没读书吗？考试要来了。。。去读书！！！

我有读啊。。你们没看到而已。。。

咳。。。。无话可说。。。

还有70多天。。。

还有70多天。。。。

我很怕，不懂要怎样才好。。。

我知道我枢要读书。。。

但是，最近很多事情发生。。。

觉得很累。。有一点的不开心。。。

我发现，我不能相信我身边的人。（有一些啦，不是每一个都不能相信的。）

为什么呢？他们真得不能保守秘密吗？我那么相信你们，你们就这样对我。。。

咳。。。。

不想再说了。。想起来都不开心。。。。

算了吧。。。

不明白。。。

我不知道，

我怎么了。。。

我觉得很晕。。。。

很多东西都不明白。。。

不明白事情什么会这样。。。

不明白为什么是我。。。

不明白为什么我哥是这样的人。。。。

不明白为什么我觉得很累。。。

不明白为什么我钻心不到。。。

。。。。

这个世界一定要这样的吗？我不明白。。。。

当我以为我已经度过这个事情，

你跟我说，我错了。。。。

这些全部都是梦而已。。。

为什么？为什么！！！！

你觉得很好玩吗？

我觉得一点都不好玩。。。。。

一点都不好玩。。。

a day without PNP

today went for ceramah for the whole day. Not really ceramah cause we have to make our scrap book and then have a personality test and watched a movie. The movie is nice except for 'that part'. its sad but i like the story line.

Totally random

Weekends is ending. Time for school again. I'm glad that Hyn-Yi like her hamsters. This weekend pass quickly. I'm not suprise cause when you're enjoying time flies. Hurt myself when I go jogging at Taman Tasik Pemaisuri. T.T

*blank*

Ciao~

Random....

Today teach Erica Science for 6 hours. Very tired but we have a lot of fun. I don't know that studying with a friend will be that fun cause normally I study on my own. If I study on my own I don't think I can stand that long either.

I found that I can remember the facts better. Since I'm teaching her, I explain the facts and I myself understand more. Its kind of good way to study.

Hope Hyn-Yi like her birthday present. The hamsters are very cute and very active. Very hard to catch. But I learn how to catch it. Hope she have fun rearing it.

I think that's all for now.

Ciao~

Please.....

My mom keep asking me to study and study. I know that the trial is around the corner and PMR is less that 90 days away. I know that I should be studying now but I need time to rest myself. I know that I spent a lot of time staying back at school. I stay back almost everyday. But I did study when I came home. I promise you to get srtaight A's and that's what I'll do to achieve it. I know that getting straight A's or not do not do you any harm but its for my own good. I know that. But I'm having many problems that I've to handle. I know that you try to help me with my problem that involves my friend. But I want to tell you that. I want to settle it down my own way. I can do it. Sometimes, you have to let me to make my own move. Don't always solve everything for me. You might not know what is the consequences after that. But I know. So, let me settle it my own way. I'm not blaming you or what but I need to make my own move. And I mean it. I hope this settle down the arguement between you and me.

Bye 08/09 AJKS and Hi 09/10 AJKS

Today is the informal AGM. I miss the 08/09 AJKs. They are so nice. I just can't believe that time past so fast this year that they have to leave us. But I'm sure that PBSM will rock on. Like what Wani said in her speech. We are going to win next year kawad competition.

Kawad is the time I got to know the 08/09 AJKs. Knowing how friendly and funny they can be. How serious they become when we run out of time for practice. Kawad is when I feel we are one. Like what Hoo Keen aka Kenny aka Daddy said that time. We are one. One heart. One mind.

Then, the PBSM annual camp is when I got closer with PBSM AJKs and also the members. I don't know that Manwyn is actually such a crazy guy. I don't know that they are so sporting.

I'm going to miss them very much.

Can't you stop it?

Can't you just stop comparing yourself with me? What do I have that you have to compare? I'm just a normal girl like you. So, I'm still confuse, why must you compare yourself with me? Why must you compare my academics with your academics? Everyone have their own capability? Don't you know that? So, why are you still comparing?

Maybe I've been wrong for all these years. I thought that you change. I thought you would not compare yourself with me. I thought you would not show me that long face again. I thought you would not create something which is not true. I thought you would not create bigger gaps between me and you.

But its proven that I'm wrong for all these years. You have not change at all. You did a bit but only for a while. Then the habits come back again. I might not know that sometimes the things that I said hurt you. But you can say to me directly. You don't have to show me long face and make me guess what's wrong.

I really don't know what to do now. I really don't wish the gap to grow bigger and bigger. I tried very hard not to do anything that make you upset or angry but somehow you'll get angry of me.

Bicara Akademik

Bicara akademik is not a good day for me. This year mid-term examination I did quite bad. Eventhough Pn. Roslina say I'm quite ok but still....*sigh* Stress from my mom....The school is kind of havoc (I'm not sure whether its the right word) Students going everywhere. My mom reach school quite on time. Talked to my mom when waiting for her turn......I don't like to talk about academics. Really, really don't like. But what can I do? The first question I heard when I visit my relative is "What's your ranking at shool?" or "How many marks do you get for this....?" Fed up with those questions. Aren't they get bored for asking me those question since I was standard 4? Well, if they don't, I am.

After the Bicara Akademik, took bus to go home. Stop at Jusco to have lunch at Mc Donald. Then I'm so tired that I fell asleep after my bath.

爱。是一个游戏吗？

为什么，有些情奴， 当曹家的时候，会说对方错？

爱是一种游戏吗？

为什么会有人输？为什会有人赢？

赢得是谁？输的是谁呢？

是谁对？谁错呢？

对我来说。爱：

没有人是对。没有人是错。

没有人赢。也没有人输。

爱，不是一种游戏。

每个人，付出的爱，都是真的。都是美好的。

为什么，有些人，要把这个美好的爱情，变成一个很伤心的事情？

当你说你爱一个人，

你要很确定，

你很爱很爱那个人。

不然的话，

你没有资格，

跟他/她说‘我爱你’。

STOP IT!

Stop playing prank on me. I don't like these pranks. It hurts my feelings. Do you ever think of people's feelings before you start the prank? If you don't please think before you do the pranks on other people.

Its not a funny thing to play with other people's feelings. It hurts and annoying.

WHY?

Does she have to do this to me? Why? I don't understand. Why? I told her my problem in my academics and promise I will do better and why she still bug me with the same question? Its not 'tthat I don't want to hear what she wants to talk. But I'm phobia of that topic. Really PHOBIA!!! I told her that I don't want to talk about it anymore but why she still bring that up?

When I feel I'm reaching the exit, she has to make me drop into the deep hole again. I'm tired of climbing from the bottom again. Why can't just let me to do things my own way? I have a better solution for this problem. Why you have to do this to me?

H1N1

There's a form 4 student who is tested positive H1N1. So to my friends out there, drink more water and eat more fruits. I don't one anyone in my school get infected by this disease. Its scary. So people, make sure you wash your hands before and after meal.

Hope the form 4s who got quarantine can come back to school soon. When our headmistress announce the news, everyone turns gloomy. T.T

PBSM Inter-group kawad competition 8.7.2009

This year the time to practice for this competition is very little, for me. I'm not sure but I felt I have more time to practice for this competition last year. Anyway, group 3+7 had done a very very very good job. I love all of them who participate in the squad.

For the first time I stand in the front row of the squad. For the first time, I time for the squad with another person (dunno how to spell his name). First time become one of the four penandas. First time being so stress until stomach ache before competition.

Its a great experince for me. I learn a lot of things from this competition. I learn how to march properly.  Cause I'm the front row, Sabrina said I cannot 'blur'. Cannot make mistakes. I almost once. My body went stiff when its our group turn.

back.

Its been a long time since I blog cause I usually blog daily. I don't know why I'm so tired these days. Once I'm home from school, I just go to tuition and fall asleep. But I'm disturb by nightmares which scares me every night. These nightmares always wake me up at around one or two o'clock in the morning. It makes me tired cause I need to wake up for school around five o'clock in the morning.   

PBSM Annual Camp 2009

Since the exam is over, now is the time to talk about the camp I went last Friday.



We reach there around 6 something. Having fun sitting at the back with the form 5 and See Kee. On the way to the campsite, I passed the cemetery where my grandpa, grandma and my dad's eldest brother is buried. When reach the campsite, we went to our respective dorm. I'm the same dorm with Fui Teng, See Teng, Xian Jin, Zi Yao, Jeng Yee, Sher Ee, Tammie and See Kee. Its so fun to sleep together with them. Had our dinner and we had our first activity, 'Ice Breaking'. We introduce ourselves and we need to draw our faces. Then we were given pictures drew by another person and find out what is his or hers ambition. I got Ceng Yew's and I can't recognise him at all. OMG! Then we were divided into groups. I'm same group with Fui Teng, Xian Jin, Wani, Jeng Yee,Tammie, Danial and Brandon. Our group name is '6.2'. Means six girls and two boys. Haha. I like our group name. Our moto is 'Day and night, 6.2 will shine with pride'. Then we went for night walk. We went in group by group and we were given two candles and six matches. Its very steep and slippery. But its fun. Went back to dorm. Had my bath and talk with my friends until around 4am.



The next morning, we went to do morning exercise which is fun cause the way we exercise is new compared to the camps I went previously. Then we went for our breakfast. Then we went for obstacles course. Its fun but scary when I need to jump from a high place since I'm phobia to height. But I manage to do it though. =) Then we have our 'Malam Kebudayaan' and I like the performance by the form fives. They are awesome. Then we had BBQ and again we chat until 2am cause we were worn out that day.

The last day of the camp. Its raining in the morning. We can't have our 'Xplore Race' T.T So after breakfast, we went to the hall and play some games. We have to balance nine nails on one nail. And we have to untie ourselves without taking out the loop. Its fun! Then we have the 'Majlis Penutup'. My group got No.1. So happy. But the other groups also did a very good job in the camp. Then we took pictures and went back. On the way back, again I passed the cemetery. Then play game with my friends which is so tension. Haha.....Then we were very tired, so we slept in the bus. Then reach school around 4 something. Reach home around at 5. I'm too tired that I bathe and then went to sleep.

Intervensi 3

Finally, the exam is over. But more to come. =(

Hope that I have time to study for the exams.

PBSM Station Game.

Yesterday, pbsm got station game. Its very very fun. First station is where we must put our hand in a pail don't know containing what and take out something. Second station is all the members line up in a straight line and then throw the sponge to the next person and the last person squeeze out all the water into a pail. The group who squeeze out the most water into the water get the most marks. Third station is when Garry throw down the angpaos and we must catch it in the air with chopsticks. Next is we have drink a drink which is made of the combination of coffee powder,coca-cola, chilli sauce and many more things. The fifth one is where need to balance a plate of flour on top of our head and walk through a distance and come back. The sixth one is the one that we need to eat raw onions, raw bitter gourd, raw egg and chew the cod-liver oil. Next is one of the group members need to gargle out a song and let the others guess what's the song is. The eigth station is we need to draw something on a cloth and explain what it means. The second last station is to balance a cup of water on kain anduh. Finally, our last station is to tie 1o strings on a pole and put it into the bottle by using the strings only.

I really enjoy very much during the station game. But I'm too tired that once I reach home, I bathe and I drop into deep sleep.

六月的最后一天。

六月的最后一天。这个月，对我来说，过得很快。我觉得，七月，会过得跟快。

因为，七月，是一个很忙的一月。要学完中三的课。要学得很快。有很多课外活动。

希望，我八月那个考试，可以拷到很好。

不要熬让爸妈伤心。不要让他们失望。

十月的大考。是一个很重要的考试。想起来，有一点怕。

考完之后，我就可以真正的休息一下。。。。

要走了。下次才写吧。。。

爱。。代表什么？

爱。这一个字，可以让很多事情发生。爱代表：

一，对家人的爱。

二，对朋友的爱

三，对自己特别的人的爱。

四，对自己的爱。

五，对你喜欢的东西的爱。

但是，第三个爱。有时候，会让你觉得，你是这个世界最幸福的人。有时候，会让你很伤心。但是，对我来说。这个爱，不管我觉得开心还是伤心，当我很爱很爱一个人的时候，当我跟他说我很爱他的时候，那些都是真的。其实，如果，我真的很爱那个人，我只想他每一天都过得很开心。每一天都带着笑容。

Rush rush rush

Skip foot drill practice today. Went for extra class for science. Pn Zarina want to finish the syllables. So tiring. Went to see Pn Roslina to ask her back for my KST and she said,"Aiyo,how come your hasil kajian so little! Must add more!! add bahan binaan, cara pembinaan, peristiwa bersejarah.......Must add more you know? I replied,"Yes, teacher. Tomorrow when i send to you need to bind?" She said," Bind...Where's Yuen Yee?" I said,"Go home already."Teacher"*sigh*". Then rush to Junior Science Lab. I'm so rush that i forgot where is the Junior Science Lab. *sigh*

Then the lesson already start like half an hour. Find a seat and start catching up. So many things to learn. I have to finish the syllables by the end of July. OMG!!! So many things to learn and do!!!

Earth Song by MJ

This song remembers me about the destruction man-kind do to the environment.

What about sunrise
What about rain
What about all the things
That you said we were to gain
What about killing fields
Is there a time
What about all the things
That you said was yours and mine
Did you ever stop to notice
All the blood we've shared before
Did you ever stop to notice
This crying Earth this weeping shores?

Aaaaaaaaah, Oooooooooh
Aaaaaaaaah, Oooooooooh

What have we done to the world
Look what we've done
What about all the peace
That you pledge your only son
What about flowering fields
Is there a time
What about all the dreams
That you said was yours and mine
Did you ever stop to notice
All the children dead from war
Did you ever stop to notice
This crying Earth this weeping shores

Aaaaaaaaah, Oooooooooh
Aaaaaaaaah, Oooooooooh

I used to dream
I used to glance beyond the stars
Now I don't know where we are
Although I know we've drifted far

Aaaaaaaaah, Oooooooooh
Aaaaaaaaah, Oooooooooh
Aaaaaaaaah, Oooooooooh
Aaaaaaaaah, Oooooooooh

Hey, what about yesterday
(What about us)
What about the seas
(What about us)
The heavens are falling down
(What about us)
I can't even breathe
(What about us)
What about everthing
(What about us)
I have given you
(What about us)
What about nature's worth
(Ooo, ooo)
It's our planet's womb
(What about us)
What about animals
(What about it)
We've turned kingdoms to dust
(What about us)
What about elephants
(What about us)
Have we lost their trust
(What about us)
What about crying whales
(What about us)
We're ravaging the seas
(What about us)
What about forest trails
(Ooo, ooo)
Burnt despite our pleas
(What about us)
What about the holy land
(What about it)
Torn apart by creed
(What about us)
What about the common man
(What about us)
Can't we set him free
(What about us)
What about children dying
(What about us)
Can't you hear them cry
(What about us)
Where did we go wrong
(Ooo, ooo)
Someone tell me why
(What about us)
What about baby boy
(What about it)
What about the days
(What about us)
What about all their joy
(What about us)
What about the men
(What about us)
What about the crying man
(What about us)
What about Abraham
(What was us)
What about death again
(Ooo, ooo)
Do we give a damn

Aaaaaaaaah, Oooooooooh
Aaaaaaaaah, Oooooooooh...

I like this song...one of my favourites.

.......

99 more days to PMR. 41 days more to the first trial. So little time yet I don't know what I should do. I know that I should be focusing on my studies now. But i felt something is always distracting me from focusing on my studies. What is happening to me? I can't risk to waste any time anymore. 

And to Wei Hwei, I'm so sorry. These few days, I've been busy with my own things that I keep forgetting to give you the History pholio. I'm very sorry......

Random

The piano lesson is off today. So, I just laze around the house. I feel very exhausted. I don't know why. And when my aunt come to my house, she asked, "Why you always look so moody? Must always smile." Then everyone in the house start asking me the same question. I'm speechless. Its not that I don't want to tell them why I don't smile, its just that even I tell them, they won't understand. Then, my mom called me and talked to me. But, its not the heart to heart talk. She just asked, "Your academic very bad is it? That's why you are so moody, right?" I'm really speechless. I admit that my academic result for this time is not that good but that's not the main reason I'm moody. Can't she asked about something else. I just tell her that I have some problem with 2 of the PMR subjects and I asked her not to ask me about my academics so often. I'm phobia to it. I know the reason why she so concern about my academics but, she doesn't understand that she is giving me more and more pressure. No matter how many times I tell her that I understand what she wants but, she don't seem to understand me. *sigh*

Tomorrow is school. I don't look forward to it. This Friday is the PBSM camp. I hope it will be fun. I really need something to cheer me up from this nightmare.

Tribute to Michael Jackson

I know this is kind of late but Michael Jackson is a very awesome artist. That's the fact and no one deny it. My mom is a fan of his. It's such a waste that he died at the age of 50....I like his moon walk.....I mean the dance....His songs are very nice....I'm sure everyone will remember him forever.....

P/S: May MJ R.I.P

Tagged by See Kee

1. Have u ever been asked out?
Yup.

2. Where was your default picture been taken?
Home....

3. What is your middle name?
Xi

4. Your current relationship status?
Single?

5. Does your crush like you back?
No, I think........

6. What is your current mood?
Between emo and happy....

7. What colour of underwear are you wearing?
=.=

8. What colour shirt are you wearing?
White

9. Missing something?
Ya...

10. If you could go back in time and change something, what would you do?
I don't want to change anything..........everything happens for a reason

11. If you must be an animal one day, what?
Puppy...my favourite

12. Ever had a near death experience?
Once, almost knocked by a motorcycle.

13. Something you do a lot?
Day dreaming.......

14. The song stuck in your head?
Erm.....not sure

15. Who did you copy and paste from?
My dear sis, See Kee...

16. Name someone with the same birthday as you?
Don't know...my birthday is way too early of the year...

17. When was the last time you cried?
Few hours ago...

18. Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
In a big group got la....solo? Don't know...

19. If you could have one super power what would it be?
Make everyone happy and healthy...

20. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Atitude?

21. What do you usually order from starbucks?
Mocha ...

22. What's your biggest secret?
Secret...........

23. Whats your favourite colour?
Blue and green...

24. Do you still watch kiddie movies or tv shows?
Sometimes....

25. What's on your walls?
Nothing...

26. What are you?
Human, of course.

27. Do you speak any other language?
Yup.

28. What's your favourite smell?
Don't like any smell...

29. Describe your life in one word.
Cruel,mean but can be fun at times.

30. Have you ever kissed in the rain?
Nope...

31. What are you thinking about right now?
Erm....My love ones...

33. What should you be doing?
Score-A Programme (if you know what's that)

34. Who was the last person that made you upset/angry?
My friend....

35. How often do u talk to God?
Often...

36. Do you like working in the yard?
Not really...

37. If you could have any last name in the world, what would you want?
I just love my name....

38. Do you act differently around the person you like?
No.....be yourself no matter what.

39. What is your natural hair color?
Dark brown.....

40. Who was the last person to make you cry?
Someone..........

I don't want to tag anyone. You can do this tag is you want...

我不想这样。。。

我在想，如果我没有出现在这个世界，这个世界会比较好吗？

我觉得，很多人讨厌我。。虽然我不懂他们是谁，但是，有可能我认识他们，但是我忘了。。。

虽然有些人，他们没有说出来，但是，我知道，他们很讨厌我。

我感觉得到。。。

我比较喜欢他们说出来。。。。不要冷淡的对我。。。。

让我觉得很讨厌我自己。。。。

Random

Today, after the foot drill practice, I went to Jusco with my aunty. Bought a jacket. I like it. Too bad that I can't find any picture of the jacket. Feeling weird these few days. Feel like getting sick. I hope not. I don't want to get sick.

My biggest flaw

Many things are in my mind. But I don't know how to express it out. This is my biggest problem I think. I don't know how to express myself. Sometimes, I want to tell someone what I'm thinking but I don't know how to express it. I think I only have 2 choices. One, learn how to express myself. Two, find some other way to express (I'm not sure how). No, there's another way, but kind of stupid. Find something that make me forgot about that problem.....

Why?

This is too weird............I should not be like this................*sigh*

I want to be myself again...........Why that thing will make me like this? This is not the first time i encounter it. *sigh*

*sigh* next week is PBSM camp.....i heard that many people are not going. T.T

8/7 is the inter-group marching competition
15/7 is the cooking competition.
28/7 is the AGM aka Annual General Meeting.

June is ending and July is coming. Time flies.....PMR is coming and I'm not fully prepared. I'm worried. My marks is rising and dropping.........Not consistent.

病了。。。。。

今天突然病倒很严重。。。很辛苦噢。。。。。不舒服。。。。。。想睡觉但是又睡不到。。。。

咳。。。。。。

很多人emo。。。。。

我希望他们可以开心的过每一天。。。。。

Random.....

It was raining cats and dogs for almost for the whole day. The rain just kept pouring and somehow it make me kind of moody. The sky was dark and I was craving for the sunshine. 

Everyone is talking about H1N1. I wish and pray that this pandemic will be over as soon as possible. I don't want anyone that I love, that I care get infected by this horrible disease. My friends out there, eat more fruits and drink more water. Take care of yourself........

*blank*

I got to go....Ciao~

Random

In the morning, the sky was dark gray. The sun was nowhere to be seen. But somehow, i feel nice. I enjoy the cool breeze. I was standing outside the class, wishing that the rain wash off the haze. Its affecting me and also my love ones. And now the H1N1 is spreading around the globe rapidly. I pray hard that my love ones always healthy and happy everyday.

It rained heavily then. Having 2 free periods gave me a lot of time to think of the past. I admit that I done many wrong things and somehow accidentally hurt many people. I knew that those things can't be reversed. As I think and think, out of sudden, I  decided that I want to forget all the unhappy things happen in my past and remember the happy ones. But, some of the past can't be forgotten cause those memories were very precious. Without myself noticing, my tears was running down my cheeks. It was lucky that nobody see it.

Nothing particular happen then. Now that I look out my window, the sky is red. It seem that there is going to be another rainfall. I hope it does cause somehow when it rains, sometime it washes of the unhappy memories away even for a little while.

I think thats all for now. Bye.

Blogging from school

blogging from school computer. the keyboard is very uncomfortable. the internet connection is very bad. had 2 free periods and filled it with reading and chatting with my buddies. having foot drill practice later. skipping my badminton meeting. miss playing badminton out of sudden. maybe coz long time never play badminton.

felt school today very weird. maybe coz of my mood. not sad or wat. can be said moodless. i think i should let go of it instead of holding it stubbornly.

*blank*

just hoping everything will go well from now.....

为什么？

为什么。。。每一次都会这样。。。很累。。。。不要这样可以吗？

为什么，不可以？就是因为我哥，我就不可以这样吗？

我不会像我哥，因为我不是他。。。

我会分那一个是对的，那一个是错的。。。。

为什么，不给我一次自己决定？

我已经15岁了。。。。

我会怎样决定事情。。。

部署要你教我。。。。

你跟我说得我都记得。。。

为什么？？？？？！！！

i miss the squad

chat with my dear sis, wei hwei, just now on msn. talk about the time when we were in the pbsm squad kawad. and she call me to read her posts. really, it makes me think of those days again. serene commanding, hoo keen looking stern and shouting the timing, present AJKs and ex-AJKs looking at us, pointing out our mistakes and many more.........i dunno how to say it. i just love those days.wei hwei is right. even we are practicing now for the inter-group competition, the bond and the feel of kawad when we were in the pbsm squad is totally different. i miss the time when we learned the formation. the time we shouted "WE WANT PEACE!" 

NO school!!!!!

no school today...............but i dunno wat to do............maybe i can come up with something later....

*blank*

random

today got injection.....dunno why, after the injection, feel very tired, very weak.....what's worse is, the place where the nurse injected me is swollen now.....T.T my hand is so painful......but cannot do anything to it.....

play treasure hunt during the maths and science club meeting. we got no.1, but i prefer the station game from pbsm. feel that one is more fun then this one. maybe because i dun really know anyone here.

谢谢你。。。

有时候，我很想说声谢谢给我的朋友。。他们是我为一相信的朋友。当我觉得很不开心的时候，我可以跟他们谈天。。他们，

有时会让我开心。。。。

有时会给我一些意见。。。

有时子听我的问题。。。

但是我真的是很感谢他们。如果不是他们的话，我还是每一天都不开心得过每一天。。。

虽然有时候，我会生气他们，但是我不会生气很久。。。那是因为，我觉得，我不属要生气因为一些小小的事情。。。

但是我真得很感谢他们。。

谢谢你。。。

random.....

first day of school of the second semester start off with 5 papers. this examination does not have the examination feel. everyone seem relax including myself. not as stress as the passed examinations. maybe because part of it was done during the semester break.

i dunno what my mood is now. i feel like in between happy and emo. if i say happy? no,i'm not.if i say emo? not also. *sigh* but i'm not feeling miserable. just confuse of my unknown mood.

tomorrow got 2 more papers and the normal teaching and learning will begin until PMR. these 2 week of semester break, i feel time passed slow and fast. slow when i'm doing nothing. fast when i'm rushing to do my daily chores or enjoying myself.

school reopens

school reopens tomorrow. the second semester of my form 3 year. monday and tuesday, i'll be having dianogstik. then the normal teaching and learning starts again. co-curricular activites. tuitions. stressed days. i can see those coming. rushing home from school, then rush to tuition, rushing to finish the homework given, rushing doing the revisions for PMR, etc......but there's one thing i don't have to do for now, that is poractice my pieces! but somehow i miss those moments. practicing each day to improve, to make the song unique. those moments somehow very special to me.now i'm back to sonatina, and those songs for those who just taken the practical examination until the result is out and i might start my next grade pieces if i pass this one.

Happy Birthday Grandma!!

yesterday,  my family had a dinner to celebreate my grandma's birthday. just a normal dinner but with more people. because we went out late, we caught on a traffic jam for around one and a half-hour. the air-conditioner was so cold that i was freezing in the car.when reach there, say hi to my uncle as it is manners. while waiting for the food, this is my conversation with my uncle

Uncle: wow, you look mature.

Me: *blur* is it?

Uncle: you this year form what?

Me: form 3

Uncle:you know what, it has been long time ago since you stay overnight at my house.

Me: i very busy lah. even if i'm free, aunty also not free lah.

Uncle:if you free, tell me i drive you to my house.

Me: haha....

Uncle: you wear this dress oh, you should wear high heels shoes.

Me: I'm wearing high heel shoes now.

Uncle: ya meh? *take a look*nice one! but next time buy higher one. nicer lah.

Me: oh...after pmr, if i got go times square then only i buy la.

Uncle:haha....you know what, if you want any opinion about how to dress up, ask me..

Me: huh? *shocked*

Aunty: if she wants, she won't find you lah. she find seen better. seen is expert.

Uncle: still girl and girl ma. must find some opinion from guys ma.

Aunty and Me: haha.....

then we ate and just have some talk about academics for those who were still studying. i really want to avoid that topic. i really,really,really dun like that topic. phobia of that topic. then went home. the traffic is better as its almost ten o'clock.....

who am i close to. my mom or my dad?

i've been thinking...........between my mom and my dad, i'm more close to who? i dunno why this question pop up....but when i really think of it..........i dunno who am i close to.........my dad, he always at pahang. he only talks to me when my academics results drop or did something wrong. he often angry and scold me coz i did something wrong. sometimes, i ask myself, is it wrong? or maybe its wrong in his perception.....

my mom, even though i'm staying with her, i dun really socialize with her. everytime she just talk about academics. i remember that when i was in primary school, i always tell her when i'm unhappy or anything happen at school or watever is in my mind. but, when i enter the secondary school life, i dun talk to her that much. no talking about my feelings, things happen around me. all i told her is just about my academics.

i share my unhappy thoughts and things with my friend. i seem to tell my friend a lot of thing. sometimes my friend give some opinions, cheer me up. sometimes don't. but i feel glad that i my friends around me.

so, i think i'm more close to my mom at last coz i really rarely talk to my dad.....

=.=

wasted almost half of my friday at 'kamdar'......went there to buy school uniform............quite expensive........very tired..........after that just online.............facebooking............listen to songs....................doing nothing..........

考试真难.....

今天我考piano practical exam for grade 7。我觉得我考到还好啦。。自不过，我觉得那个examiner觉得我考到有点乱。。我今天考试的时候我觉得很紧张。。我的手觉得很奇怪。。很不flexible。。。让到我弹到有点奇怪。。。那我觉得我的:

pieces?:还好拉....那些practice没有浪费掉....

scales and arpeggios?:有点错误...但是还好啦.....

aural?:唱那些notes的时候,pitch有点错了....那些问题我觉得也是有些是答错了....

但是我希望我能pass....这次的examiner很strict.....我看到她写好多好多comment在那个commentary column...写到很满......好怕噢.......

A normal piece turns into a unique piece by the pianist

tomorrow is 11 June..........when i practice just now, i realised that i actually improved a lot compared to the last time i play the piece. last time, the piece just sound like a piece without a soul. A piece with only notes telling nothing.Just a tune that is played according to what is composed.But,just now, it sound nice.The piece sound like a story. I hear the same piece played by other pianists in youtube. Even though it's the same piece but the story told is different. I don't compared mine with them because my story is different with them. Different story have different feel.Different touch. The same piece being played but the piece has turned unique by the pianists who played the piece. Music is really amazing at times. I feel that its a good way of telling people how you feel about things. Telling people your story. Even though it's the same song, it'll sound totally different....It's just amazing........So, a good piece is not just depends on the composer because what really make the piece unique is the pianist who play the piece...the way the pianist express his/her story....

A story told in a different way

today i was impressed by the tune played by one of the pianists.the notes were overlapping each other. the dynamics were so nicely adapted into the piece. when i told my teacher the pianist has such a good skill, she said that the pianist had been practising the same song for dunno how many hours....but i think its worth while.it really tells a story of the person....even though two person playing the same song but it has different story.....a good pianist will always touch his/hers listener's heart with the notes he/she played that tells an unexpected story of their own...

...........

went for extra class for piano from four thirty to six. practice.practice.practice.thats wat i heard from my teacher.after that went for tuition. until eight.now blogging about my day.when im not blogging,i have many things in my mind that i wan to blog out. when im blogging,my mind went blank.weird....many things that have to be done but not done yet....should i do it or not?i think i need time to think...

random...........

yesterday make soya bean............damn tired..........but dunno why my mood improved........haha..........not as emo as a few days before..........on sunday went to piano lesson........hear a lot of ppl playing different songs............. feeling like hearing to different stories told by the pianists...............i dunno why la...........my mood did improve after hearing to those songs...seem to relax myself..............its been a long time since i felt so relaxed..........i hope this continues so that i can be myself again..............

11 June............an important day for me.............the day i'll be taking my piano practical examination..........hope everything will go well on that day.......... 

很痛。。。

我的心一次又一次这样给人hurt。。。我觉得很痛。。但是我不能跟人家说。。。我觉得我已经不再信我身边的人。。。因为我一次又一次给他们hurt。。。很痛。。。。但是他们不懂我的痛苦。。我之能够躲在一个地方。。自己一个人哭。。。我觉得我很脆弱。。。弱到没有人要陪我。我真得很没用。。。。

Tagged by Wei Hwei

A= Ao Zhu

B= Bo Fang

C= Cass

D= David

E= Eu Nis

F= Fui Teng

G= Garry

H= Hoo Keen

I= Ivan

J= Jessica

K= Keet Mann

L= Low

M= Michelle

N= Nancy

O= Ooi (tuition teacher)

P= Panda

Q= dunno

R= Regina

S= See Kee!!!

T= Timothy(dunno how to spell)

U= Ushana (hehe)

V= Victoria!!!

W= Wei Hwei (see?see?)

X= Xian Jin

Y= Yeo Wern Xin ^_^

Z= Zi Yao

1.Can A and Z be together?

(i dun think so)

2.Will K and Y argue?

(NO)

3.Can X and J be enemies?

(they dun even know each other)

4.What will you do if S say 'I love You' to you?

(I love you too,sis)

5.What if L snatch your boy friend?

(Cool!! Go ahead)

6. What if K called you a bitch?

(erm..........juz ignore that)

7.What if N ask you out?

(if my mom let)

8.Can you and G argue?

(no la Garry very nice one ho?)

9. Will you be angry with D if he step on your shoes?

(No,u know why?coz he's my dad)

10.What will you do when you get in a fight between Z and I?

(how whould they fight?)

11.What is the best thing that you like about H?

(of course sweet,loving,caring daddy la)

12.What do you hate about O?

(he blabber too much sometime)

13.What do you think of W?

(i juz love her,right sis?)

14.What colour does Q like?

(unknown)

15.What is U like?

(dun really know......)

16.How do you find M?

(funny)

17.What will you do if J and S fight?

(haha.......they won't fight coz J is S's piano teacher aka my piano teacher^_^)

18.Does A-Z know each other?

(no)

19.Do you know what is V's huge secret?

(if its a secret,why would she tell me?)

20.Who does K likes?

(dunno)

can i don't tag anyone? tired la wei.........

失败的人。。。

我觉得我的心有个hole感觉很辛苦。。我不懂我可以做些什么。。。

我之知道：

我的心很痛。。

我很辛苦。。。

很难呼吸。。。

觉得自己害了自己。。。

我现在可以做些什么？我今年有PMR我还是这样。。。我还有五天要考piano practical examination了。。。

WMS Gathering and Happy Teacher's Day

today went to WMS after school with Serene, Hoo Keen, Wern Xin, See Kee and Thiba. Met Clement, Garry, Brandon, Shaza, Christopher, Ana, Sabrina, Sook Shian and Xian Jin at WMS. At the begining its ok-ok lah. But i like the station game. Group with Christopher, Garry and some other school's PBSM.........the checkpoints was fun..........i wish we had the time to finish all the 10 checkpoints.........but time flies.......T.T

Take LRT with Serene, Hoo Keen, Garry, Clement, Ana, Wern Xin, Shaza, Brandon and See Kee...... Then take bus home with Serene, Hoo Keen and See Kee..........Thanks to See Kee's mom for driving me home....... ^-^

Today our school celebrated teacher's day......... the performance is quite nice but sitting there under the sun is tiring especially when i was wearing long sleeves.............T.T...Nothing special after that.......just hanging around with the form twos...........chatting with crystal ng about the grade 7 examination........

T.T

i'm very tired of myself..........everything around me seems to go wrong...........why? can someone help me to answer this question? coz i dunno how to find the answer................i'll try my best but i think i'm too weak for that................feel like a weak-link in everything.............EVERYTHING in my life...............from my home to my school to me tuition and everything................it seems im hurting everyone.................if you really think that im hurting you, juz stay away from me................or do watever you think is right............  

啊！！！！！

now when my tuition teacher said that i only have 3 months left for pmr, then only i know how fast does the time goes for me this year...........and i only have 2 weeks before my piano practical examination...............im too unprepared!!!!!!!!!! i feel like everything i should prepared is only half done!!!!!!!!! this will not lead me to sucess but failure!!!!!!!!!!!OMG!!!!!!!!!!!

today,i barely write with my fingers injured!!!!!!!!!! its so painful.............how am i going to practice my piano!!!!!!!!!!!! eventhough im typing now, im not using my injured fingers which is so umcomfortable.................

help teacher to upgrade the library.............nothing much to say about that..........continue doing that for tomorrow after school...........hope that our library will be better after this...........

怎么办？？？我很怕哦。。。。不懂要做些什么。。。。咳。。。。我不能再这样啦。。。。但是我又枢要怎样呢？？？

40 minutes to go

i only have 40 minutes left........wat should i do? trial exam!!!!!!!!!! somebody!!!!!!!!!! help me!!!!!!!!!

ah!!!!!!!!!!hope i can ply smoothly.............i injured my finger during practice yesterday.........WTH!!!! hope my first and second piece will go well.........im not that worried of my third piece.........

help me!!!!!!

。。。。。

haiz.......why????when i thought that the emo atmosphere is gone................it come back again today...........why????????why do this to me??????????tomorrow is my piano trial exam.........scary........hope i can do well..............

argh!!!!!!!!!!!

很累啊！！！！为什么？？？咳。。。不管怎样，我还是述要面对这些问题。。。我在想我是不是想太多呢？我不清楚。。。。

希望我能做到。。。。

exam over.........at least dun have so much stress but still got practical exam to come.........haiz.........very tired...dunno wat to do..........

and hyn-yi,fyi, i dun really like to eat panadol. u expect me to eat panadil everyday since im having the headache everyday? no way la wei.............

感觉有点累。。。但是我已经决定了。。。我会很努力的去面对那些问题。。我希望我能做到。。。但是我有一种感觉。我觉得我不能做到。。咳。。。感觉很脆弱。。。。

咳。。。。。

when does this headache is going to end? i can't bear it anymore.........when i answer my questions for the exam today, it attacks me and i have to rest at least five minutes before i continue............i cannot waste anytime........i have to answer my questions papers...........

the emo atmosphere still hanging around my life..........i dunno wat to do about it coz im having exams now.........can't do anything much about it...............

为什么？枢要这样吗？我不要在痛苦了。但是我能做些什么？真得很晕。。。。每一天都头痛。。很难读书。枢要浪费很多时间。。。。怎么办？？

很痛。。。。

today is the first day of mid-term examination. I have 3 papers today. BM paper 1 and 2 and Moral. During these papers, i dunno why, i was attacked by sever headache. i really dunno wat happened. i dunno when the headache starts on me but i know it has been there for a long time.

感觉很痛但是我不能做些什么。。。。真得不懂怎么办才好。。。。

failure............

mid-term starts tomorrow...........really struggling to focus............i think i should clear my mind before i start studying......but the problem is i can't clear my mind........i dunno why........now i need more time compare to last time to study.....feel like im a failure again............dunno wat should i do.........i think all i can do now is study for the exam..........wish me luck..........good luck to those who have exam this coming week.....

Happy Mother's Day to the mothers out there....

Mummy means:

M (mom)
u (u live)
m (many)
m (more)
y (years)

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there!

Happy Mother's Day

i celebrate Mother's Day last week which is a good thing coz i have my mid-term exam on coming monday.......


Just doing something silly while waiting for the food.


guess which cup is mine?




me and my cousin............hope that gap will disappear soon

i hate myself so much

i cried again.......i dunno how many times i cried............but this time, im not crying in my room. i dunno why. i tried to hold it back but i just burst out in tears in front of the computer........but im still hugging my pillow..............
i hate myself being the weak
i hate myself for always crying
i hate myself for being useless

怎么办？？？？

emo-ing.........very unhappy..........exam coming...........hard time to focus...............i am too stupid to solve my problems............不开心。不开心。不开心！！！为什么？要这样吗？我不要！！！不要再让我痛苦。。。每一晚我都哭。。。哭道很辛苦。。。我不想再那么痛苦了。。。但是我无法把不开心的事情忘掉。。。。应为还没解决。。。。。我很笨。。。应为我无法解决哪些烦恼。。。。。

不懂要做些什么才好。。。。。。我就快变crazy了。。。。。。每有一晚我是没有哭的。。。。为什么？？？？很累啊。。。。。因为我的脑恨痛。。。。很辛苦。。。。要考试了。。。。。。。。怎么办？？？？

may babies

Happy red crescent day!!!


may babies................fun....but im in pain now..........gum hurts even its so long ago............i wonder is it becoz clement shake the sparkling juice that make it like that..........T.T

好不开心。。。。。。。。。。。

tat emo atmosphere still hangs around me............eventhough i seem to laugh and smile happily at school but actually im not happy at all.....i feel very FAKE!!! sometimes i feel my life is kind of meaning-less. i feel like and idiot. someone who burdens everyone around me.

exam coming.......often lost focus..........emo-ing everyday....................i really hate myself for being tat........but wat can i do? i myself also dunno.............

can someone juz hit me and make me faint? i really wan to........... a conversation which is meaning-less to me...........T.T

Mom: why don eat dinner?
Me: no appetite......
Mom: why no appetite?
Me no appetite then no appetite loh........
Mom: go study then
Me: walao, i just some back from tuition leh
Mom: so wat, u dun nid to exam la
Me: nid.........later go study loh

wat happen to me?

i read someone's blog......its not that i dun wanna look forward but there are many things that stop me from looking forward. i know wat my problem is but i cannot solve it.

today i have severe headache......feeling like my head is going to burst..........today went for badminton club meeting..........nothing special..........play badminton with hyn-yi..........actually i dun really wanna play coz my headache is getting worse under the sun but other than tat, i dunno wat i should do at school........

reach home, head my bath......my headache is getting very serious..........i cant even walk a straight line. i have to find something to support myself.........since when i became that weak? i study but bcoz of the headache,nothing goes in............went for tuition and have a hard time focusing on wat teacher was saying............

i really dunno wat to do with myself and my life........sick when the exam is coming?a very bad idea but i can sense it............

sick of myself
sick of everything that i do
it seem so wrong
but i dunno how to correct it
how stupid i am

im a jerk

i broke a lot of promises that i made to myself. i promise not to cry eventhough it hurts but i cried myself to sleep every night. i promise not to have a moody face but im showing them most of the time. i promise myself to focus on my studies especially when the exam is getting closer. instead, i lost my focus easily. i promise to improve my pieces but i don't.

i really hate myself. im sick of myself. im tired of myself. im hurting my friends. im a jerk.

.....................

i've been crying a lot these days..........every night, when i am alone, i'll hug my pillow and start crying. i feel very sad. i feel very weak. i feel like im in a nightmare that i will not awake from. i dunno how to say out the problems. i dunno why is it so hard. mid-term is coming. im not in the mood of studying but i have to. i dunno wat to do. i lost focus easily. i dun have much time left. one more week to examination. then pbsm camp. then piano practical examination. no much time left for me. but im wasting my time. wasting every seconds i have. doing nothing. im good at telling people wat they should do put i can't tell myself wat i should do eventhough i know wat i should do. feeling very stupid. im a failure.

mixed feeling。。。。

today i went to jusco with see kee to shop for presents for a few friends......... Wow!! both of us used up all of our money! (almost for me) its so expensive.............im not going to buy presents from jusco again i think...........not until im sure i have enough money...............well, i bought a wallet for myself since my current wallet is kind of spoiled.............

well, as same as normal days, once i reached home, emoness filled the atmosphere.............. something is going very wrong with me...............i dunno wats that...................i wanna faint until my mind is clear................and make sure that when im conscious again, that atmosphere is gone...............but i cant..................

its May!!!!!!!

its May already.........getting nearer and nearer to PMR and more exams to come............time passes so fast that i barely realise it..............i feel like im wasting my time...............

first. thx to all the ex-AJKs who bought the pizzas and drinks for us yesterday.... =) after that hang around with science and maths club and 'lepak' around the school and went home..............

once reach home i became very emo...........it did not surprise me as i always emo when i reach home....... but something did cheer me up a bit.......i can go to the PBSM camp at Perak........yay......

but still emo.................hard to say out how i became emo but i know im emoing..............

is this counted as depression? is yes, im back to depression mode again........

exam is just two weeks from now. i'll be having 2 weeks exam straight!!!!! first the mid-term then the dianogstick. omg...............i really dunno wat i should do............im so stress up..........its not even there yet.................

today the simulasi is fun. i became the first-aider which is not a good one.........did something wrong to the wrong person..........=.= get kicked by someone on the head............dizzy and pain...........even now still suffering............T.T trauma victims act very good...........i even thought they really got into that situation...............especially one who cries........omg she's so real......make me wanna cry too.......

haiz...............sick of myself for being so weak and being the weak-link that will make others dissapointed............

clueless.............

does it takes so hard to be happy everyday? do i have to give up on something so that i can be happy? do i have to sacrifice what i've been building all these 15 years to return to the Xi Tian who is always cheerful? do i really have to do that? do i have to do it all over again? i dun wan to! if i have to redo it, i'll be 30 years old when i'm done. what should i do? i dun wan to give up! but i feel very hurt now. hurt by those who i think the closest to me when im young. but i realise that she are not that close actually. now i barely talk to my mom. i've been trying so hard to do wat she tells me to. but when i reach at this age, i have my own opinion on certain things. i feel very hurt by her words. its like slicing me. i dunno wat should i do now.

today i felt so fake at school. i dunno how i can make that smile and laughter exist. i'm pretending to be happy which i feel very very FAKE. but i dun wan people to see me emo. but sometimes when its too much, i can't control myself.

i think it needs time to fade....i'm really cluless..................

tired of myself...............

its not as bad as i thought

today i had my second ear piercing........the first time i pierced, i grew back so i went to pierce it again. its not as painful as i thought coz the first time i pierce my ears, its very painful. i dunno why, this time it seem not that painful compared to last time.

Happy Sister Day!!!

Today is sister day. I wish all my 'sisters' Happy Sister Day! I love all of you. Now and always.
My sisters:

• Fui Teng
• Wern Xin
• Yan Yuan
• Joo Er
• Ana
• Yee Shan
• Sook Shian
• Sabrina
• Xian Jin
• Rocyie
• Wani
• Xin Hui
• Shaz
• Hyn-Yi
• Eu Nis
• Keet Mann
• Yu Han
• Jeng Yee
• Sher Ee
• Zi Yao
• Sheau Li
• Sheau Wen
• See Kee
• Wei Hwei
• Yuvee
• Victoria
• Vivien
• Shi Ern
• Nadhirah
• Maryam
• Nurbaya
• WCY (even if you don love me, i still love you)

the reason why Serene is not in the list is because she is mummy not sister. But i love you Serene.

i wonder is this a depression mode or something else?

today i want to the book fair with sabrina (the form 3 one), kimberly ( the form 3 one also) and hyn-yi....... at first thought of cleaning the bilik sakit with hyn-yi first but its cancelled........so? we walked to kimberly's dad's car and go to pwtc. we changed our clothes (i'm so the not going to walk around pwtc with the school uniform) and had our lunch. after that we were like walking without around looking...............and the we found a booth (i'm not sure is it right) with storybooks.........i bought Twilight and New Moon for RM52.50 which is very cheap coz original price is RM 75.......its too bad that there are no Eclipse and Breaking Dawn there T.T........then we went to buy some exercise books for hyn-yi's brother and sister............i bought 4 for myself..............then me and hyn-yi went out and head for home. we try to find the lrt station but failed. so we took a cab to go home. i felt very bad and sorry to hyn-yi after reading her blogpost just now that she got scolded by her parents.

when i reached home.........i was so tired i had a shower and lie down............i'm tired but not sleepy. i dunno why. most people sleep when they feel tired..............then my dad come home today. he, my mom and my grandma went to the dunno wat dinner............... and i was left alone at home. and now i blogging after watching twilight that i borrowed from my friend..........

actually before my mom go, i argue with her.............i dunno why she must talk about my academics? why must she always make me depressed when my mood just improved? i already tried my best but she just doesn't believe it. i wonder what she wants from me actually..........i'm really clueless.......... actually i know she don wan me to follow my brother's footsteps but i'm not following his footsteps!!!!! if i really did, i will not study now...........really!!!!!!!!! i really wan to make her understand this but she just ignore me.........wat should i do?

Depression mode 6。。。。。。

sick of myself....
sick of the way i wan things to go my way and sometimes forgot wat other people feel......
sick of my attitude............
sick of everything i've to everyone.........
i better keep my mouth shut for now...........
i dun wanna hurt anyone again.............
its better that im hurt than hurting other people especially those who i really care..........

hate myself to the MAX!

Depression mode 5。。。。。。

intervensi is over for now.
but more exams to come (tats wat teacher said)
still feeling im a failing in my life day by day.
learn something new today at pbsm meeting.
inter-group kawad competition is coming soon.
group together with eunis's group.
feel very depressed
why am i failing in my life?
dunno wat to do with my life.........
feel very bad now.............

Depression mode 4。。。。。。

i wonder i can answer the questions for the test tomorrow or not............ when i open the reference book, i realise that im not reading it. im juz staring at it!!!!!!!!! omg!!!!!!!!! i dunno wat i can do now........ im too depressed even to study for my tests. wat is going to happen to me tomorrow!!!!!! i really dunno wat to do..........i feel my mind is blocking the facts from going in.......... i feel like im a weak-link.......i really hates myself for wat i am now.............

Depression mode 3。。。。。。

i juz can't bear with it anymore. why must you tell be about the treasure hunt this morning? do you know how many times i'm late for my classes juz to find someone as my group member? why am i so stupid that i can't think of the solution for the next clues? why am i having cough and dizzyness? why must there be so many things to do for form 3? why must there be so many exams? why must there be so many homework? why can't i skip the tuition juz for once? why must i have nightmares when i really need to have some sleep? why? why? why?

i'm damn sick of myself!!!! sick of everything happen around me............

Depression mode 2。。。。。。

since most of my friends complain they dunno wat im writing so i think it's time for me to change back to english mode..........
why am i so depressed?
i am depressed becoz many unhappy things just bump into my life.
i am depressed becoz i have no one to talk to.
i am depressed becoz i did not expect it to come.......
i am depressed becoz i found out im a super duper weak person.........
i am depressed becoz my mood can totally changed becoz if something tat people called small matter
i am depressed becoz i hate myself
i am depressed becoz i dunno how to face myself anymore
i am depressed becoz tomorrow more things to come and im not sure whether i can bear with it or not
i am depressed becoz i dun have anyone who is willing to lend me a shoulder for me to cry

i really hate myself for being so weak and depressed

Depression mode。。。。。。

我不懂我怎么了。。。。突然感觉很depressed。。。。。。每一天我还是不开心。。。。为什么我不能开心呢？为什么要这样对我？我做错了什么？如果我不小心让到你不开心，我很对不起。。请你原谅我。。。那是因为我背太多我不明白的事情在我脑海里。。。。。真的很对不起。。。

really hates myself........

i really HATE myself!!!!!!!!! why can't i juz do wat i should do? why? why?

yesterday i'm very happy during the cross country event........ but when i reach home................

bad news come one after another................i wan to tell someone how sad i am but i have no one to talk to.........

and i juz realise i forgot to attend my piano aural classes..............WTF...............i really hate myself...................

我又病了。我有那么弱吗？很不喜欢每一天。当我开心的时候不开心的事情又来了。。为什么？为什么？一定要这样吗？不能给我每一天开心的活下去吗？？

random................

juz ignore the title.................

why?why? why?

everyday i will at least argue once with my mom.why?

i dun wanna argue...........i have enough of argues with my friends at school........

i dun wanna argue at home!!!!!!!!!!

dun really know wat she wants..................

i'm clueless..............

everytime argue with her my mood drops to -100..........

i'm not exaggerating. its true..........

i dun like to argue. i'll try not to argue with anyone if i can..........

一句话...好不开心哦!!!!.........好想哭哦!!!!!!!!!!!

我太无聊了

zanarkand-final fantasy X