school reopens

tomorrow school reopens...i don't have the feel of going to school tomorrow...i want to have a few more days to relax my mind...many things happen during this week of second semester break... soon september arrives and i have around 36 days to PMR...something that i don't want to face yet i think...i wish i have more time to think. to decide what should i do. to make plans for the 36 days before this examination...maybe i'm afraid of this examination just like UPSR and my piano examinations...for piano examinations, i can take it again if i failed but for PMR, its only one shot... and if i failed that shot, i can't to redo that shot again...its like once in a lifetime...this is what i'm scare of...maybe its because the pressure from my mom...i know she always have high hopes on me...maybe that's the thing that make me so stress out...maybe that's the thing that i'm afraid of...i'm afraid of letting her down...

on the other hand of course, i wish time will go faster....so that i can go through the examination faster and release myself from this stressful atmosphere even for a while...so that i can do whatever i want (but there's limit of course)

讨厌！！！

我在不开心些什么？我在讨厌我自己什么？

我不明白。。。我怎么了？

为什么突然有这样的感觉？

我是不是一个很自私的人呢？

当我问我的朋友时候，他说，没有啊。。。

哪。。。为什么我有这样的感觉呢？

我很不明白。。。。很烦。。。。

我很讨厌我自己。。。。

Lonely

i felt so lonely out of the sudden...i don't know why...maybe because too bored because i have done with my holiday homework and i have nothing to do...i spend my time thinking of the melody for a song i'm composing but nothing came...my head hurts...

help me please

its almost 4 o'clock in the morning...and i'm still here...not sleeping...i should go to sleep long time ago...but i just can't...my mind is so full, but i don't what i'm thinking of...i really want to sleep but i just can't close my eyes...my mind won't want to rest...someone please help me...

Hectic Life

its already 3 o'clock in the morning....and i'm still awake......what happen to me? i have seminar at 10 o'clock which is 7 hours away.....but i can't sleep....i just don't know why......*sigh* the seminar is until 4.30 and i have tuition at 6.30......what a hectic life during the holiday......and i'm not finish with the homework given by my teachers......i only touch the pile of papers once in awhile.......i don't know why i don't want this holiday to end.....as if i can feel that when the school reopens, life will become even more hectic than it is now......i hope not.....i have enough of stress from my mom and my teachers......i know its all for my own good but sometimes too much pressure will give negative effects.....that happens to me often.....


i hope you'll be okay after this.....please forgive me.....

Sorry

did i just hurt someone? did i just said something that accidentally hurt someone? i'm scare.... please forgive me....i'm confused.......like someone lost in a jungle. eager to find my way back to where i belong......please tell me you are fine.....please don't say that you are guilty anymore..... please don't you take me for granted....you didn't....really.....please don't say you didn't appreciate me.....you did.....in many ways.....i feel appreciated from you and i'm very happy with that.....please....please...please........i'm sorry

......

felt a lump is building up in my throat....eager to burst out....but i don't have a place to hide myself, so, i swallow the lump down hardly....not long after that the lump is back again....i wonder how many times i swallow it down again and again.....

first seminar geography and bm

having seminar from 10 in the morning till 4.30 in the evening....omg! i'm so tired and later i have tuition at 8.30.......i wonder if i'll doze off during the class.....hope i don't.....

results of trial.........

this time most of my subjects improved except for my bm and maths....anyway, i still manage to get 6A's out of 7........kind of happy about it.....

but still got nag by mom cause my english is so close to A....one more percent......

last PBSM meeting for 2009....

wednesday was fun.....i so unlucky that i don't choice to choose the number and water come splashing down.....but i'm not as unlucky as Wei Hwei, she guess 3 times the numbers correctly and got splashed 3 times....poor Wei Hwei.....

*blank*

PBSM interview 17.08.09

i don't know why when i went into the interview room, i was so nervous and my head went blank.......the pc questions they ask, i read them, but somehow i can't remember them when they ask me.....why la!!!!*sigh*

and i don't know why i make that mistake again....i promise myself not to, yet i broke it..... maybe because i'm too nervous and i'm too easy to.......don't wanna mention it.....

i'm sorry to disappoint all of you that day...i'm sorry....

i'm lost

i'm lost and i can't find my way back to the path......someone please help me......i'm so lonely here.....i don't wanna be alone here. away from the path where everyone is.....someone....please pull me back to the path........

Meaningful words

lets start with the common one...

FAMILY means....

Father And Mother I Love You

Why guys must have a wife cause..... WIFE means????

Washing Ironing Food Entertainment

Why girls must have a husband??? cause HUSBAND.......

Housing Understanding Sharing Buying And Never Demanding

A simple greeting that means a lot..... HELLO????

How are you?
Everything all right?
Like to hear from you
Love to see you soon!!!
Obviously, I miss you.......

Trial is OVER!!!!

trial is finally over........i don't really wanna know the result but i have to cause, my history teacher said she'll give us our result tomorrow!!!!OMG la!!!!

monday is bm and history paper.....so hard.....T.T i don't know wat i write for my karangan........... *sigh* headache through out the exam.....

tuesday, bi papers only..........i don't know whether my essay is good enough or not.......and i feel i don't have enough points for my summary and literatue......

wednesday, science and kemahiran hidup.....science is fine for me.....BUT, kemahiran hidup? *sigh* another disaster.......i see so many stars when i answer the questions......*dizzy*

thursday, the last day of trial....YAY!!!! maths paper and geografi......why i keep doing stupid mistakes!!!!!!*sigh* maybe i'm to panic........

hurts

i don't know why my heart hurts so suddenly........i tried to blog it out but even i myself don't know what's wrong.......i was force to sleep cause i've frequent headache......i can't sleep............i just hug my pillow.......somehow, i don't know when and why, my tears keep flowing......i want to stop it but i can't.......

I miss you......

i remember the day we met........

i remember the day you left me.....

i remember the things we went through together.....

wish you were still here.....

i miss you so much.....

Whitney,

i will always remember you.....

trial

monday is trial.....and i'm still doing nothing.....no mood to study.....people keep reminding me how important this examination is.....this is not intervention or dianogstic.......telling me i have to take it seriously......*sigh*

9 papers.....don't know how to go through next week......anyway....

good luck in your trial for the form 3s and form 5s.......

time is getting short.......

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

EUNIS!!!

i wish that i can shout loudly and cry as much as i want. my heart hurts. very very hurt. 

你说你明白我。。但是，你跟我说什么？读书，读书，读书！！我知道！！但是，人生，除了读书，没有不别的东西吗？

stress

i'm so stress now. why do things have to be so complicated? why can't you let me do things my own way? i know that i have to study. i know that trial and PMR is coming. i know these exams is important. i know that all your hopes is on me. i know that you want me to success in the future. i know that you don't want me to follow my brother's or your footsteps. i know what i'm doing right now. sometime there are many things that i can't tell you. you won't understand. i know that because i told you once but you just don't get it. you say you know what i want but you don't seem to get it. you have repeated the same advice to me. i understand that. you told me that since i was standard 4. i'm not blaming you but it is time for me to do things me own way. really......i hope you understand...............i don't mean to hurt you.......

fantasy vs reality

excluding today, one more week to trials and i'm still blogging. i should be studying. but this is the only place i can actually write watever i want when i have no one to talk to. this year pass quickly for me. i don't know why. even when i'm having UPSR, time does not pass so quickly. maybe because i join many ativities and i can say that my schedule is kind of full. when i look at the calendar yesterday before i go for bed, i just realise that its august already. one more month to PMR. and what i've been doing for these past months? none. i can said that. NONE!!!

i found that no matter how hard i tried to forget it, that memory will still stick in my mind. i've thrown everything that reminds me of that memory but it still stick in my mind. maybe i just let time fade that memory away. i can't do anything about it anymore. i don't know what i should do about it either. i love the piece but in order to forget the memory i forced myself to throw it away. i don't know how to say how hurt my heart is at that moment. how i wish someone lend me a shoulder to cry on. my very first piece, composed by myself, destroyed by myself.......

many things are out of place these days. many things don't seem to go the way it should be. i think thats reality. nothing goes the way you want unless you sacrifice something. if you don't, you won't have it. i've always lost in my own fantasy but, somehow, things around me woke me up and tell me to face the reality and stop dreaming. sometimes, i'm afraid to face it. it frightens me. but if i want to move forward, i have to face it don't i?

T.T

很想哭，但是没有一个地方是没有人的。

我不想给我家人看到我哭。。。

我不想他们问我“为什么你哭？”

我跟他们说了，也没用。。。

他们一直问，没读书吗？考试要来了。。。去读书！！！

我有读啊。。你们没看到而已。。。

咳。。。。无话可说。。。