I'm  given 2 weeks of holiday which I should be using it for studying for the papers that I'm going to take and retake in the next 2 months. But I wasted the first week being sick where I can't concentrate at all. I want to go back to the first week so much to do much much more. STOP! CHAI XI TIAN! IT'S NO USE LOOKING BACK. START STUDYING NOW!

Currently, I am cleaning up a room for my study room. I want to study as my bed as possible. Hope this can prevent me from lying down during my study and eventually fall asleep. I so not disciplined. I should learn to be one. Cleaning and rearranging  a rooms is not easy. There are so many things to clean and organise. I wonder should I put the cleaning aside and start studying or continue the cleaning? Mom said that it's the Hungry Ghost Month now so it's bad to rearrange things. I'm in dilemma now. I don't want to make Mom worry but at the same time I want to finish the cleaning and start anew. Oh My!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, out that aside first. Yesterday I went to IKEA to find some shelves and a rack for organizing the clothes. I did find the rack but no luck on the shelves. However, I had a fun time looking at all the things in IKEA and having lunch at the food court. 

These days, I feel I'm more isolated from the world outside me. Its like I prefer to stay within my comfort zone than exploring the adventure outside of my zone. I know I shouldn't be like this but I can't help it. The most safe and calming is when I'm at home, best is in a corner which I can consider my own. But I've decided that I will step out of this comfort zone and improve myself for the better.

I can't believe how blessed I am until today.
Listening to Han Ning' s and Yee Ling's story of things that they face throughout 19 years of their life,
I do face them too but I really feel that they are much much stronger than me.
I learned to cherish every single moment of my life.
No matter how hard can be.
I will be strong.
Because,
I know after all the rain the sun will come out shining.
Just like life.
There are ups and downs.

Reality

I don't believe in materialism until today. I can't believe how can a person can be blinded so much by materialism that he/ she can treat his/her own elder brother that way. I just can't believe it. Everyday, I heard my mom and aunt talking to the phone. I wonder if all these are the truth. I chose to be ignorant about it. Till today, my mom told me the whole story and I just looked at her, thinking, "Are you serious? How can that be? He is his/her brother? Why?". So many unanswered questions. My mom just say one word, "Materialistic"and BOOM! I just realized how cruel this world is. I can accept people being materialistic towards outsiders but your FAMILY! Aren't family the most important people in your life,aren't they? I'm speechless about it. To me, family is my everything and MY DEFINITION of family are not just blood-related individuals but also some of my close friends and those whom I loved very very VERY MUCH!

P/S: If you ever stumble to my blog and reading this post, I hope you can calm down and put your priorities right. And I will always be there to listen to your problems though I won't be giving advices.

Mouth and Ears

" We can't control other's mouth but we can choose when to close out ears"

As I am born with a quite sensitive ear,
I tend to overhear things that I don't like.
Or maybe I focus on things that I don't like to hear?
I don't know.
But today,
I'm  able to shut myself from hearing things that annoyed me.
And I will try harder everyday.
So that I can completely control what I want to hear for my own good.
And ignore whatever that make me annoyed and destroy my day.

Silence is a woman's loudest cry

This statement.
I heard it from many people around me telling me this fact.
At that time I don't understand.
How can you be silent when you are in so much pain.
Today is the day I felt it.
When you told me that,
It felt like my body was not in my control anymore.
I knew you are waiting for me to respond but,
All I did is lying there on my bed,
Staring at the ceiling,
In silence.
While my heart shattered in million pieces.
I don't blame you for what you did.
I just need time to absorb what is happening to me.
And finally,
I give in.
My body was shaking,
Tears running down my cheeks.
A silent cry.
That was heard by no one.

Shocked

I was shocked by the level of injustice happen here.

Those who are right are twisted to be the wrong ones by other people because they don't dare to admit the truth that is said.

Now, I'm starting to doubt the level of intelligence of our nation.

Are we able to continue to develop our country with this kind of ignorance?

Are we able to compete with other countries which are developing faster and better than us?

Please, don't let the remaining faith that I have towards our country's development turn to dust.

And blown away by the wind to nowhere.

Everything has it's limit and when the limit is crossed, it's just show how ignorant we are.

First Week of January

The first week of January is coming to an end in a flash. I can't believe school had already started for 3 days! I'm thankful that this year the school starts one Wednesday and not Monday even though school starts on the day after New Year.

3. 1. 2012
First day of school and for the first time in so many years, I'm able to wake up and not feeling drowsy since. Adjusting myself with school life after one an a half month holiday. Seeing the Form 1s accompanied by their parents. The nervousness in their eyes. I used to be like that six years ago. The only difference is I'm all alone as my parents can't accompany me. I'm glad of that as I can learn to stand and try to face the new environment alone. My class has changed from Block E to Block D which is the oven of SAB! Wow! I really feel being baked inside! Wonder how I can survive in that block when I was Form 4? Hm...Met my friends. I'm really happy meeting them after 2 weeks. Somehow seeing them smile to me and smiling back bring some kind of warm to me.Insecurity? I don't know. That pretty much about today.

4. 1. 2012
Hm....The weather today was not bad. Quite cooling compared to the day before. Lessons start and I should put my study mood on and start doing the revisions and etc.....The only problem is I still have a bit of slacking mode on.

5. 1. 2012
Finally, Friday! School ends earlier. Went to tuition with Xi Yuan, Han Ning, Yuen Yee, Qi Ying, Cheng Cheng, Yee Ling and YIN SIEW! At last, you are going for tuition! Had so much fun with them. First time hanging out or does it count as hang out? with Yin Siew. And help her finding her class and chatting with her is so much fun! Eu Nis! That is the first time I saw how happy she is. The pure smile on her face is so priceless. I really learn a lot that day. Not just from tuition but also my friends on how I should lead my life. Mr Linggam (is this how his name is spelled?) is like my weekly boost to study harder and do my best in everything in my life. It's hard to find a teacher who is so dedicated and only speaks the truth without having anything to hide from you. I wonder whether I have a chance to meet him again after STPM is over. Uni?

I have learn that happiness is just around me. I just have to look and there it is! Be optimistic and positive about life and everything will appear not as bad as you imagine and you can so anything you want as long as you go for it. For those who visit and read my posts, thank you so much for visiting this blog of mine. My aim this year is to be myself and stop trying to please anyone by changing into something else and I hope to bring smiles to everyone even is its only one person.