I thought I can do it

It has been more than a month since I started university life in UniSZA at Kuala Terengganu, I thought that I already adapt to this university but I just realised that I'm not. Not at all. A week holiday where I enjoyed being at home, surrounded my love ones who took care of me like I'm a precious jewel. And today, I took the flight back to Kuala Terengganu from Kuala Lumpur, at this moment, almost 12 hours after I landed here since 8 o'clock in the morning, the feeling of homesick hits me. The lump that I had been trying to push down is forcing its way up my throat. I can't be like this. I have to stand up and face it. To get good result for my future or all my efforts for all these years will go down the drain. I will only myself to cry only tonight...only tonight....

I'm back

It has been more than a year since I last posted something here. A sudden emptiness filed in when STPM ended. I've been helping around the house, enjoying things that I always wanted to do when I'm studying like going to concert, watching dramas and reality shows and etc. I will blog more from now onwards since it had been on of my favourite pastime.

I'm  given 2 weeks of holiday which I should be using it for studying for the papers that I'm going to take and retake in the next 2 months. But I wasted the first week being sick where I can't concentrate at all. I want to go back to the first week so much to do much much more. STOP! CHAI XI TIAN! IT'S NO USE LOOKING BACK. START STUDYING NOW!

Currently, I am cleaning up a room for my study room. I want to study as my bed as possible. Hope this can prevent me from lying down during my study and eventually fall asleep. I so not disciplined. I should learn to be one. Cleaning and rearranging  a rooms is not easy. There are so many things to clean and organise. I wonder should I put the cleaning aside and start studying or continue the cleaning? Mom said that it's the Hungry Ghost Month now so it's bad to rearrange things. I'm in dilemma now. I don't want to make Mom worry but at the same time I want to finish the cleaning and start anew. Oh My!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, out that aside first. Yesterday I went to IKEA to find some shelves and a rack for organizing the clothes. I did find the rack but no luck on the shelves. However, I had a fun time looking at all the things in IKEA and having lunch at the food court. 

These days, I feel I'm more isolated from the world outside me. Its like I prefer to stay within my comfort zone than exploring the adventure outside of my zone. I know I shouldn't be like this but I can't help it. The most safe and calming is when I'm at home, best is in a corner which I can consider my own. But I've decided that I will step out of this comfort zone and improve myself for the better.

I can't believe how blessed I am until today.
Listening to Han Ning' s and Yee Ling's story of things that they face throughout 19 years of their life,
I do face them too but I really feel that they are much much stronger than me.
I learned to cherish every single moment of my life.
No matter how hard can be.
I will be strong.
Because,
I know after all the rain the sun will come out shining.
Just like life.
There are ups and downs.

Reality

I don't believe in materialism until today. I can't believe how can a person can be blinded so much by materialism that he/ she can treat his/her own elder brother that way. I just can't believe it. Everyday, I heard my mom and aunt talking to the phone. I wonder if all these are the truth. I chose to be ignorant about it. Till today, my mom told me the whole story and I just looked at her, thinking, "Are you serious? How can that be? He is his/her brother? Why?". So many unanswered questions. My mom just say one word, "Materialistic"and BOOM! I just realized how cruel this world is. I can accept people being materialistic towards outsiders but your FAMILY! Aren't family the most important people in your life,aren't they? I'm speechless about it. To me, family is my everything and MY DEFINITION of family are not just blood-related individuals but also some of my close friends and those whom I loved very very VERY MUCH!

P/S: If you ever stumble to my blog and reading this post, I hope you can calm down and put your priorities right. And I will always be there to listen to your problems though I won't be giving advices.